The past two weeks the weather has started to change from summer to fall. It has been starting to get colder with the temperatures hovering around zero. To make matters a bit worse, the days have been pretty foggy and if it hasn’t been raining—it has been snowing. (Have no fear the snow is not staying on the ground but three mornings this week I’ve woken up with snow. It’s slowly creeping down the sides of the mountains…only to have it rain and disappear.)
Honestly, think snow in August is enough to make anyone feel a bit meh…
I’ve been writing and rewriting this post in my head all week. I’ll let you all in on a bit of a secret (or maybe it’s not so much of a secret, for those that know me well.) When I start feeling less positive about life…I tend to internalize all that crappy feeling and pretend that everything is A-OK! If I find myself starting into one of these spirals… it’s hard for me to see out of that spiral let alone blog. For the most part I think I am a pretty positive person…and I don’t like to record the ‘down’ times. So I find myself falling into old habits where I stop writing and posting updates on my blog. I usually justify this with lots of different reasons like: Maybe I’m not taking any photos I want to share? OR Maybe I’ve just been focusing on the home-work-home thing and not having any ‘fun’ adventures? OR Maybe I just feel like I have nothing to share? Or Maybe I’m just trying to work through stuff in life that I don’t post about publically? But honestly, it happens when I’m just trying to keep ahold of all my marbles.
“When you are stuck in a spiral, to change all aspects of the spin you need only to change one thing” Christina Baldwin
One thing that usually does help to change the aspect of the spin and help get of this spiral is the good old pep talk. Sometimes that doesn’t even work, but I push on and remind myself of what an awesomely beautiful place I live. My home is in the Arctic…remote but so stunningly beautiful. Friends and family of mine would love to have the experiences I’ve had…and I do get that. Trust me I’m not ungrateful for what I have or the experiences that I have had. I love the adventures that currently are happening in my life, yet sometimes it just sucks. Life is like that no matter where you live, or what your situation is sometimes it just sucks.
Part of my struggle is dreaming of the future, uncertain of the outcomes but at the same time trying to live in the present not getting caught up with the what-could-happen-in-a-possible-future. As I type that I start to smile, it seems so simple and straight forward looking at it all on paper. But living it…well that’s a whole other story. It’s a process and I suppose I just need to relax and maybe just stop thinking. I know I over-think things! I just wish I had some concrete answers.
Last night I was chatting with a friend, we were catching up on the end of the summer has gone. We talked last at the end of July that was a time that there was a lot of stuff that was crazy up in the air in my life. After catching up and letting her know the dust has settled and balance has somewhat returned in my life. She said, “Oh I’m so glad…in July I was worried you might be losing your marbles”. That statement in itself reminded me how awesome friends can be. Because often when you are stuck in that spiral you can’t see out of it and can’t see the friends and family that are there helping you to change that spin. I hope everyone out there has good friends that worry about if you are going to lose your marbles. An even better scenario is when they listen to you when you think you are losing them, and convince you it’s going to be ok!
So where does that leave me?
Dreaming and wondering about a future…living in the present…looking for the next adventure in my own backyard…trying not to lose any more of my marbles!